my first heartbreak experience was probably given to me by God.

it was 2002, my A level year.

i'd just had an encounter with God, after church camp. He felt so real, i felt so loved, i felt that this had to be it, i'd found the meaning in life, which was to serve and enjoy God forever.

but somewhere along the line i lost it. i doubted the validity of my experience, of God. was my experience real? was i imagining? God please show yourself again to me! but it did not happen. i tried to prove God to myself via apologetics but i was not convinced.

and so i was sad and devestated, because the meaning of my life, my spiritual experience and my God, was being put into question. perhaps i was all wrong.

over time i lost hope and became worldly again. when my faith failed, i turned to the things of the world, because the world was my rebound, from my first love. my first love which i believe had failed me. or maybe i was expecting a perpetual spiritual high, expecting too much from it.

my life may have turned out differently if i had not gone through that phase of doubt.