there's IVCF on thursdays, Singapore cell on Fridays, Church on Sundays. I think i'll prob go to Grace Church full time, it's so similar to Bartley in many ways.

and there's a mountain of Christian (and anti-Christian) influences, through friends, people I meet, and books i read. every week i have compulsary readings, some of them by good godly men, for my Reformation class. and the professor actually demands a high level of participation, so i gotta do my readings for that class. which is very rare for me. i never ever do readings. this is the first course that i'm doing every reading for. partially cos the prof demands it, partially cos it's so interesting. it gives me new insight into my faith.

Erasmus encourages us to carry the cross, to abandon the world. he wrote against the Catholic Church of the 1500s, which was corrupt and worldly and materialistic and self-centered and not following the example of Christ. the beauty is that these traits plague Christians to this very day.

Luther espouses the way of the cross too, as a means to salvation. to rely on Christ's grace rather than to work our way to salvation.

however this week's Luther reading will be very hard to stomach. It's entitled "The Bondage of the Will", and in it Luther argues against humans having any free will at all after Original Sin, and argues that God predetermines who will be saved and who will not be saved. the worst thing is that Luther is actually extremely convincing. (helped by the fact that i am a very gullible reader).

of course the problem is that we are made to sound like robots just obeying God. and what of those millions of non-Christians, who, under our belief system, are going to hell? does God send them there? and what of the whole "we are made in God's image" thing - is God a robot too?

actually, perhaps. God is bound to do good, just as we are bound by Original Sin to do evil.

Ok whatever. these are issues that will never ever be resolved. but this week's reading does paint humanity in a bad light. and God too, for he "hardened Pharoh's heart".

Come outside and see a brand new day
The troubles in your mind will blow away
It's easy to believe they're here to stay
But you won't find them standing in your way

Se a vida e', I love you
Come outside and feel the morning sun
Se a vida e', I love you
Life is much more simple when you're young
Come on, essa vida e'
That's the way life is
That's the way life is

Although we see the world through different eyes
We share the same idea of paradise
So don't search in the starts for signs of love
Look around your life, you'll find enough

Why do you want to sit alone in gothic gloom
Surrounded by the ghosts of love that haunt your room?
Somewhere there's a different door to open wide
You gotta throw those skeletons out of your closet and come outside

So you will see a brand new day
The troubles in your mind will blow away
It's easy to believe they're here to stay
But you won't find them standing in your way

- Se A Vida E' by the Pet Shop Boys

I love this song. Listen to it. It's so upbeat, sunny, cheerful, optimistic, energetic. It's the song of yuppies, of youthful dreamers. Everyone's had their share of missed opportunities, bad decisions, and tear-jerking heartbreaks, but "you gotta throw those skeletons out of your closet and come outside". There's a world to change and explore, people to meet, dreams to fulfill.

I just need to combat the cynicism, pessimism and laziness in me. To seize the day and step out of my comfort zone. To approach the world with energy and enthusiasm and purpose. To know where I'm headed, and to be discontent with letting time just fly by me. Energy, man, energy.

I first heard this song when I was 13, it was a song we used in our GEP class's History production. 10 years have since flew by, so quickly, and another 50 will zoom by in an instant. I don't want to be on my deathbed and realise that I've let my life slip away. Time masters us, circumstances master us, and at the end of the day you realise that everything has passed you by and you've been a passenger on this planet.

---------------------------------------------

GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry :
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry.

Robert Herrick - To The Virgins, To Make Much Of Time.

tennis, federer vs roddick

and i was watching this tennis match in the lounge in my hostel (Cobb), and i was surrounded by a million american freshmen, who were all madly supporting Roddick.

i mean, good man, good to support and love your own country. but then, from the way they made some comments, you get the idea that they really think that america is god.

i dunno if they were sarcastic, or joking, but comments such as "is there any country that we haven't beaten? oh yeah, vietnam, but we almost won there" show a certain level of cocki-ness and stupidity.

i was so tempted to turn around and say, "i'm not trying to be rude, but you guys may want to know that there are many many people out there who hate america". i didn't in the end, cos it was rude - i'm in their country, afterall - and cos i'd have gotten wallopped by them all big brawny white guys.

i'm glad that the americans i hang out with (roy, mike, sagar, seth, dan etc) hate their country's foreign policy too, and do not express blind support for the usa. i respect them, and i think they are intelligent. bloody, please just be critical of your own country's excesses, and don't think that you own the whole world. anyway, the way they are running into deficits every year, very soon every american building will be owned by a chinese or japanese company.

this is the south, complete with rednecks and stuff. i was warned by my friends about them, and little did i expect to find redneck behaviour on campus.

reminded me of a song we heard on radio on the way to mike's place (in seth's car). it was entitled "do you remember", and was talking about the tragedy about 9-11 and about how america should contine with the iraq war and the war on terror, and blow out osama's ass. it was so bloody blatant and funny, i thought i was tongue in cheek, but my american pals assured me that it was not. like, people actually believe that it is america's god-given right to blow out people's asses.

i could not believe it.

the reformation...

... is the title of a module I'm taking now, easily my favourite. It appears that UNC has one of the strongest religious studies departments around, third in the world i heard. and my professor, Peter Kaufmann, is one of the best in the world in the study of medival Christianity.

i love it. i think i need to find out about the roots of my faith, much like a child must find out who his parents are.

i may wanna do Masters in Christian Studies or something like that. Probably not in a theological college though, but in a secular school. Studying for knowledge, not to be a pastor.

the bible says that homosexuality causes brain damage...

... so says "jessie", another hell-fire and brimstone preacher i encountered at the Pit today.

Jessie the preacher!

The notion, of course, drew loud guffaws from the crowd, which included the self-termed "gays and lesbians" section, pictured below. I mean, I understand that you believe that gays are going to hell, and you were sent by God to save their souls, but scolding and condemning and preaching hell-fire doesn't seem terribly loving to me.

the gay section!

UNC's an enclave of liberalism, homosexuality and tolerance located in the nortoriously conservative and right-wing "Bible Belt". I'm so thankful for the fact that I'm in a predominantly agnostic and atheist university, safe from the Southern Baptist influences that surround Chapel Hill. At least the music on offer is more than just... country music and country music. The (mainly agnostic) American friends that I've made speak intelligently on multiple topics, and seem very well rounded individuals.

They see the beauty in religion, all religion, and all philosophies. And, to be frank, to claim that one religion is supreme over all others - that seems extremely bigotted. And we Christians have to see that, all the stuff preached to us from pulpits and in Sunday School - it's propoganda, probably comparable to the propoganda preached to the Germans in NAZI Germany. Well-meaning, definitely. Aimed at the salvation of our souls, and those around us, definitely. But it's propoganda, and every word, every doctrine should be examined.

When you take off the glasses of faith the world is a very different place.

Then you have a weirdo like me who believes that evolution could have happened, that homosexual acts are probably ok, that the Bible could contain error in parts. But that God is somehow divine and in control of everything.

Somehow I'm starting to wonder if my faith still makes sense. Ah well... after all is said and done, I'll probably put my glasses of faith on again. Christianity is too comforting to let go, the balm for wounded hearts, the promise to eternal salvation, the most beautiful loe story ever. And I'm pretty sure that this Jesus guy lived and died and resurrected.

But I guess, I'm probably not one to force my beliefs on others, because I see the validity and beauty of their beliefs too.

Many Christians don't question their beliefs. I used to never question anything that was said in church. I thought that if I had doubt, I'd be in danger of hellfire. Thus, I was willing to sacrifice intellectual integrity for my eternal salvation, and this, of course, is totally rational. Conservative, Bible bashing Christians are just being well-meaning and rational in their own way.

So, basically, whether you're liberal or conservative, you're good, and I respect you!

I was discussing religion with Seth, on the 4 hour drive to Elizabeth City last weekend. We went to Mike's house for the weekend, and on Saturday we went to Kitty Hawk for the beach. The beach was fine, and somewhere in between we visited the supposed hill where the Wright Brothers supposedly flew their plane. So many "supposed"s. The group was very big, but all great people.

the beach!

the girls at the Hill of First Flight!

the guys at the Hill of First Flight!

The waves at the beach were great, you could get literally bowled and washed over by them! A very painful but exciting process.

i love freddie mercury.

his music, his confused sexuality - until today people argue on whether he was bi or simply gay -, his presence on stage, even the way he died.

man, i think AIDS is probably one of the finest things to die from. True, it's long and painful, but so is cancer. And to die from a sexually-transmitted disease... it's so much more interesting than boring old cancer or heart disease.

Serious!

Dying of old age is probably so boring.

You gotta go sometime, right? So might as well make it a grand exit.

Just went for class, was so boring. I'm not skipping enough classes.

for some weird reason...

... there seems to be so much more life in UNC, than in NUS (ok, sorry for comparing, but it's second nature to most humans)

like, so many more things happening, so much more history and tradition, so many more stories, so much school spirit. Actually there's no lack of these things in NUS too, just that in NUS you don't really feel part of the school, but in UNC you really feel like you're in it, like a true blue Tar Heel. Things like the Daily Tar Heel, the Bell Tower, the football and basketball games, the fact that the entire bloody town revolves around the school, all drum it in. And funny traditions like taking the Daily Tar Heel into the toilet cubicle to read while doing your business, and leaving it in the cubicle for the next fella. And the fact that people wear the Carolina shirt with pride!

I think the fact that everyone basically stays at, or around campus, really helps. And the fact that people do seem to do less stupid stuff (i.e. study) and play so damned hard.

Actually NUS is already not that bad. We got fun stuff happening most of the time. Just that everybody studies too hard, and many are not open enough to try new things, and to have fun. The things that destroy life are work and routine, and a lack of passion for life. I mean, stability is great, it makes us feel safe, but we gotta step out of the comfort zone sometimes man. Life is a siesta, live it.

I mean, if you like knowledge, well and good. But life is too bloody short to study just so you get a good grade and so would get a good job and a nice house yaddle yaddle. I don't know. I probably belong to a group of people known as the "hedonists". Live drink and be merry for tomorrow you die. Study if you like it, not cos you have to. I mean, as an economist, the goal of all things is utility/happiness maximisation, right?

I think a truly great university would be one where everyone would be less preoccupied with their own lives, and leave their comfort zones, and come out and play and engage in campus activities. And where people do things cos they like it, not for points. I hope UNC is such a place.

Go Tar Heels! haha I am becoming one of a mindless mob, but it's so fun!