Shakespeare's Hamlet reminds me of myself in some ways. Of course I'm referring to Prince Hamlet, the brooding, self-reflecting, doubting, questioning yet impetuous protagonist in the play. He seems to lack the effervescence that I probably have somewhere inside my character, but he seems to contain several very contradicting sides, which I sometimes do.

The compulsary reading one Christian book every week for my module has probably done me good. These books come from a myraid of writers, all from different theological perspectives: Catholics, Lutherans, Anabaptists, Anglicans... but they are all men who try to love and obey God, abeit with very different ideas on how to get along doing it. And it really has blessed my spiritual journey no end. I've had some spiritual questions answered, and after reading so many contradicting ideas on Christianity I've come to decide that Christianity is indeed a faith, requring much blind faith, and I've become much less neurotic about having to "prove" Christianity.

And of course Peter Kauffmann, who is both an intellectual and a man of faith... he's inspired me and shown that it is indeed possible to be both. It's really God's blessing that my faith can indeed be strengthened rather than shaken by the taking of a Christianity module at a liberal arts college... I was fully prepared to have to fight for my life to defend my Christianity because of the module, but instead I've been inspired to be a better Christian by it. It's a small miracle.

Come on, UNC is the college that produced the skeptic Bart Ehrmann, the Christian pastor-turned-agnostic who "once was found but now is lost".

And of course, I've been blessed by the Singaporean cell group and by my relationships with the people in it.... and by Grace Church, which has always encouraged me and challenged me to greater Christian piety, and by the "Compline" services every Sunday night at the Episcopal Chapel of the Cross, the IVCF Large Group meetings on Thursday nights, and by many many other things... been encouraged by Shannon's salvation and by the spiritual growth of the people around me. I came over here expecting to have to struggle to keep my faith but indeed God has protected and preserved me and helped me to grow.

A passing thought: George W Bush claims that he is led by Jesus to declare war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Whatever happened to "love your enemies" and "turn the other cheek"?

I think "turn the other cheek" is a very liberating philosophy. It's almost zen, a bit like Buddhuism, but it's also different in that it's based on faith that God will protect and make everything good, and comfort, and bless and reward in the afterlife.
But much of our problems come from desire and competition: competition for grades, jobs, promotions, friends, mates (i.e. girlfriends). Competition causes so many problems, if we could really turn the other cheek and just be content with being last in life, we would be happier.

and Jesus did advocate being last in life: for who is last shall become first.

life's not terribly fun now, but God's reminding me that He's in control

Church yesterday was about God requiring that we have faith in Him in all things, and Quiet Time showed a passage reminding us that the Father is in control of our situations, of the today and tomorrow, that He "remembers that we are dust" and will not allow us to be tempted more than we can bear. And last evening I attended the Episcopal Service at the Chapel of the Cross, which proclaimed Christ as Christ the King over our life's circumstances, reminding that we have victory in Christ, final victory no matter what life throws at us. Apparently the last Sunday of the Liturgical year was yesterday, and it's the Sunday of "Christ the King".

Everytime I seek God God will reassure me, but often in life I turn my attentions away, or get distracted, or my faith in God just fails and the problem(s) I face seem so much bigger. Today I just felt that the world was terribly grey over dinner at Lenoir... it's the same old "breakup" condition, which feels terrible every single time. Reading her blog is the most torturing thing in the world, and I should not do it anymore.

I squeezed in Pulp Fiction today, and it was quite a disappointing movie I think. But I'm just getting into the "watching movies at the bottom of the UL" mode... they really have a million movies there, ostensibly for academic purposes but probably for some students to de-stress as well. And I'm doing that to get my mind off things.

But I spent my evening with Zhiqi and Alexius, and it was great, we slacked in the computer lab and I watched YouTube, and we had food at Time Out and played the piano at Cobb's first level. The piano was the best, it was such a good sing-along session. I love music, it takes my mind off things. All in all it was a good night, a fun night, and I should thank God for it.

my mandarin and cantonese are both pretty bad, but i think that my cantonese is getting better (less bad) than my mandarin. this is fantastic. i love screwing up stupid meaningless utilitarian profit-driven government policies like the Speak Mandarin Campaign. the government has no idea how much we're losing by letting our venacular dialects die out, it is so so sad.

I'm at Roy's place for Thanksgiving weekend!! It's in a small town called Cherryville, NC, with a population of around 5,000. I went around town just now with Roy and Felix and the entire town knows one another, it's so cool. And even if they didn't recognise Roy, they'd recognise his surname because all the families knew one another. So he'd just have to say "Upchurch" and everyone would accord him friendship and respect.

And Roy's brother Will is 24 and he is getting married next year and he plans to spend his entire life in this small town tending the family business of a plant/greenhouse store.

This is amazing. This is the life, to just raise a simple family in the American outback, with acres and acres of empty land and farms and forests all around. And with King's Mountain nearby, and in a simple town with absolutely nothing, but one that is peaceful, wholesome and simple.

Roy's family owns 50 acres of land, and it contains this amazing forest, with a large pond right smack on the fringes of it. This is so cool.

I have my own room for the next few days! Complete with a computer with internet access, this is the life man.

Maybe moving to Cherryville, or a similarly small and simple town, is a good idea. True, there'll be so many drawbacks and such, but I think that on the whole it'll be superior to trying to survive in the retarded rat race, that everyone tells us to take part in. I'm a simple person, I think. I don't need money or fame or success to be happy.

Went to a Chinese Restaurant just now for dinner takeouts. The owners come from HK, and they have this little small 9 year old boy who just stared at me the moment I entered the store. He probably doesn't see many of "his kind around" here. So I spoke to him, first in English then in Mandarin then in Cantonese. He probably loves having a Chinese brother around.

And his aunt came out and I asked if they had Chinese tea in Cantonese and she just stared at me and suddenly she was so excited cos I'm probably one of the few fellow Chinese people she'd ever meet the entire year. And she was so friendly and so excited and smiling so widely and asking me so many questions in Cantonese. They'd lived in Cherryville for the past 7 years, and in California for the 8 years before that, and they still miss home and return to HK once a year to visit their family. Race and language really can build bridges rapidly, especially in an area where we are in the minority.

Not to say that the Americans are not nice. Many Southerners I've met have been so hospitable. First Mike's family, with his mom Dwane offering to keep me in her prayers, and now Roy's family as well. I've really been received with amazing open-ness and hospitality, and I am so thankful to God, and to my friends and their family, for that.

i just watched silence of the lambs. it's really an extremely good movie. hannibal lector is brilliant intellectually, just that he could do with more moral values. but then again, he's a serial killer. i suppose they operate in a different world from the rest of us.

there was a march for peace today, in the pit. students from the chapel hill "students for a democratic society" marched and shouted slogans for the US to withdraw its troops from Iraq, and to stop recruiting soldiers from Chapel Hill. they were very vociferous and vocal, and their shouting was in one accord. much like BMT soldiers cheering on bookout day.

i miss someone i guess, but my guess is that that feeling may not be reciprocated. not that anybody needs to feel guilty about it though, perhaps these are just facts of life.